I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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