How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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