I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Randomize
