note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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