I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
