I showed him my bush... on skype.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
