You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
