i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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