i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
