what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
