Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
