I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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