No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
