I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
