I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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