I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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