Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
