You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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