God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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