Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this boner is exhausting
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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