My boss' voice literally gives me gas
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Floor bacon is actually really good
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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