it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
