you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
