Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
