She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
