Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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