I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The air taste purple.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
