Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
