I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
