i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
