I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
