There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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