Midget sex pt 2 tonight
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
