You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize