So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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