white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
