A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
