after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
