I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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