so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
