I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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