Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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