Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
