Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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