youre lurking in front of me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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