Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
