I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
