She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
