We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
