If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
