he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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