Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
