You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
