I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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