Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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