don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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