Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My ass is underappreciated
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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