I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
