I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
