haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
