$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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