Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
