Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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