3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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