Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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