this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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