I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
