he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
