how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
