TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
